While there are many things that you learn once you step into Motherhood, I’ve decided to share some of the Real Things that Motherhood has taught me, especially as it relates to my faith. From Relationships to the epitome of selflessness to patience to long-suffering to perseverance to what love truly requires. It has all been a journey of discovery throughout this assignment that God has bestowed upon me as a mother.
If I’m honest, being a mom has it’s shares of ups and downs despite what social media or this “highlight reel” culture has shown. In some of my most finest moments, I’ve felt like a Super Woman with her cape and a huge “S” attached to her chest as I watch a little tiny human being look up to me the way that my son has + does at times.
But on the flip side of things, I have had those days of feeling exhausted from trying to be the very “Super Woman” that I often used to take pride in. Until I’ve learned that motherhood does not require us to be perfect or this supernatural being to be impactful. It just requires us to be “present”, wise, loving, patient, and leaning onto the Word of God to truly get it right.
Throughout my motherhood journey, I can say that nothing has taught me more about myself, God as a Father, and life the way that being a mother has. I’m truly content at saying that I’ve taken so many good things from the lessons I’ve learned, even when they felt like the hardest to endure—looking back in hindsight now. So, whether you’re a Mama of 1, 2, 3, 4 or maybe even 5 or more kids—–you can can relate to the notion that motherhood isn’t a “one-size fits all” kind of journey and neither is it something that you can do without being stretched, tested, flexible, open, and proactive.
Oftentimes, I feel so inspired by Single Mamas specifically who are doing everything on their own because they have to. It’s so much easier to walk away, give up, or not even try at all—trust me, I’ve seen it. Yet, they throw on their “capes” (tattered and all) and do what is necessary to be done. I salute you, Mamas!
Overall, I must admit that motherhood has helped me to discover the many facets of myself, shed light on God as a Father and how He loves, the relationships/things that I once thought were permanent but turned out to be the very things that needed to be uprooted, as well as the level of love that goes beyond what you want, feel, or think in a moment. Motherhood is a big teacher and once fully embraced, you’ll begin to realize that it is there to refine us as human beings so that we can disciple our children well.
So, don’t worry about the mistakes you’ll make along the way or even the stuff that may take you a few more trials + errors to get right. Just keep leaning on God’s word for guidance. Pray for wisdom, knowledge and understanding. Trust the Holy Spirit’s nudging through intuition and walk this thing out by faith. And on those days that feel like everything is falling apart or things may be a bit too overwhelming; just take a few deep breathes, ask the Lord for strength, and lean into taking things one moment at a time.
Here Are the Things that Motherhood Has Taught Me these Last 9 Years:
“Self” Really Does Go Out the Window.
Ok, so while most people say that when you have a child/children it’s no longer about you, but them; I doubt that many people REALLY believe that this a fact. Oh, but it is in every essence. Motherhood has taught me that my little one comes before me. And this is not in the sense of me ‘not existing’ as most people fear. It’s more about my ability to see wants vs. needs in a whole new light. Believe it or not, It’s more about shaping my child’s future and meeting his needs versus indulging in my own all of the time. It’s an act of being selfless like Jesus has always shown us throughout scripture so that we can look at Him as an example for the things we deem hard. The same applies here. Motherhood requires a sense of selflessness that cultivates a healthy amount of nurturing, attentiveness, and discipleship towards a child so that they can grown up to be in alignment to who God created them to be.
Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it”
It’s choosing to work extra hard to create opportunities for your child (whether it’s the best early development practices or skills, knowledge, and character building for later in life). It’s coloring in the lines of their ‘coloring book’ during the moments where you feel the most tired and would rather be lazy while binging on your favorite show. It’s in the moments of participating in an all around healthier lifestyle so that you are the living example for your child to see that healthy is better. It’s in reading the bible and teaching your child how to pray so that they are acquainted to knowing God’s voice + talking with Him. It’s whatever you choose to do, not because you want to always, but because you need to so that they gravitate towards it when they are older.
You See the Value of Relationships + Community Differently.
Being a mom has taught me the value of relationships and community on a profound level. Previously, I settled a lot to keep certain relationships in fears of ending up alone or maybe based on societal expectations. I often thought that having people around meant that you were a good, loving person that people wanted to be around. In addition, I thought that it meant that it was a type of validation that I needed to do this thing called motherhood right. Granted, having wise counsel, especially on motherhood is so imperative, however it’s so important to ensure that it is wise counsel and not just people—-even is those said people are family + friends.
Motherhood teaches you what unconditional love feels like (from a child) before it begins to be tainted by life’s challenges and imprints. Therefore, it adds a fresh perspective on what community and relationships are necessary to cultivating the mind, soul, and heart of your child. Understanding that as a Christ follower, being surrounded by those anchored in the Lord is so key. There’s a level of support and consistency that can take place when the heaviness of motherhood has the ability to be offset by those who surround you that can continue the “training up” of a child in the same capacity that you do.
It truly does take a village. But most importantly, it takes the right village.
Patience is Key.
When you’ve been a mother for more than 2.5 seconds, you’ll begin to realize that patience is in fact something that has to be exercised. Nothing goes the way you want it to all of the time and in fact, it sometimes takes a bit longer than we’d like for most things to become a successful routine or fall into place. This can be in the literal sense of Motherhood, such as a child’s many milestones and the time frame in which each happens or it can be in the sense that the things you’ve currently been working on just may take some time before it yields results.
Galatians 6:9: “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up”.
All in all, motherhood has taught me that without patience, you’ll find yourself in a cycle full of frustrations, doubts, second-guessing, feelings of inadequacies, and the list goes on. We have to understand that from God’s perspective, patience is important because some things come as an unfolding. Not a quick, reactive formulation. Time + experience are things that add wisdom, gratitude, clarity, a type of strengthening, and ability to grow through stretching. They demand a type of “pulling” within us that when fused with God’s will and His way, blossoms into such beauty. James 1:3-4, which says, “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing”.
You Might Be the Blueprint.
One of the most critical moments along my journey of motherhood is my wanting different for my little guy than what I’ve experienced for myself. Believe it or not, most of the criticism that I drowned in the early years of motherhood was internal. I often feared that my desire for certain things to be different wouldn’t allow me to fit in to the “culture” of those around me because that meant that I had to be the first one to do things differently and not conform.
For one, not having my son in daycare was a big elephant in the room during many conversations with others who just couldn’t fathom the idea of a child NOT being in daycare, especially when it came to family + friends. However, I’ve learned to sit comfortably in the truth that it just works for my family and I, even if that means being more flexible with work and reimagining the journey of entrepreneurship based on my family’s needs. Or it could’ve been the notion that breastfeeding should only last for a few months versus the 2 full years that I decided to keep going at it.
Or maybe, it’s the notion of participating in certain activities that create a sense of exposure to new ways of living or learning that brings contention based on the ideology of those around you. Whatever that different is, just know that it’s OK to want differently for your child than what you’ve received, especially if you weren’t trained up with the best tools and experiences.
For many, we didn’t always get the best because our parents couldn’t afford it. For others of us, we didn’t get the best because our parents didn’t care or chose not to. However, regardless of the reasons and the experiences—–you can do things differently for your own child. You just might be the blueprint that God uses to recreate generations.
Your Response to Challenges Will be More Impactful than Your Wins.
It actually took me a long time to fully grasp my head around this statement: Your response to challenges will be more impactful than your wins.
But now that I am a Mom, I fully understand it entirely. So often as parents (or just human beings in general), we try to showcase our successes and wins more than our struggles or response to challenges.
And while this isn’t something that creates a sort of glamour, I’m learning in real time that my son has been way more proud and felt way more inspired by the challenges that I was able to tackle and respond to with great tenacity and faith versus the entirety of my successes/wins throughout life as he’s witnessed it. It’s a matter of showing others (including your children) that it truly doesn’t matter where you’ve started, but more so where God has planned for you to finish. For He knows the plans, not us.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. — Jeremiah 29:11
And without the pressures of being perfect, “rich” or the appearance that you have all things together, you can create the greatest impact with your obedience to God, walk by faith, word of your testimony, and a host of other things that the Lord can use. I believe strongly that this is in fact more powerful than simply making it to a pinnacle of success with no relatability. It gives everyone a plain field. It shows your children (and others) that in spite of the many mistakes + obstacles that they will someday make, you can still be something wonderful based on the Father’s will for your life!
Being a Mother is More than Just a Title. It’s an Assignment. A Ministry.
This is by far one of, if not the most important lesson of them all. Too often, I’ve seen people being uplifted and celebrated by just wearing the title of Motherhood instead of exuding the work, sacrifices, patiences, level of consistency, nurture, and wisdom that it takes to carry out the assignment.
Motherhood is a ministry. It’s a consistent dedication towards those being cared for. It’s a lifelong sacrifice that you make for your child, even when they are old and gray and you both share that commonality. It’s a form of discipleship that causes you to take on the leadership, responsibility, and actions of someone leading another into an example of how we should be in this life, especially as a Christ follower.
It’s about what you do, not what you say or don’t say. All in all, motherhood is selfless, patient, kind, loving, correcting, training, and nurturing. It’s about following God’s way and plans in execution so that your child is molded into the best version of God’s intent. There is no way to be a perfect mother, BUT a million ways to be a “good” one, even on the lowest level………
Lean on the Father for guidance in motherhood. He’s the mother to the motherless and father to fatherless, so He understands.
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