Letters for the Soul: Transition.

Welcome to the series, “Letters for the Soul” where I’ll share penned open letters to God in the range of a variety of topics as it relates to Faith, healing, love, relationships, self-love, balancing ambitions, God’s timing, learning to rest + be still, life transitions, personal transformation, and so much more.

Dear God,

I hope that this letter finds you well in all of your Glory.

Lately, things have been pretty interesting to say the least. I’ve found myself a little “unfulfilled” in my career, not because it isn’t a calling, but because I feel that “there’s more” to me than the thing that most people discovered me for—-“cooking”. Now, I understand that you’ve given me such a gift to help people and their families as well as a way to help people “encounter” You through the anointing [when the Holy spirit empowers you in what you’re doing to help in serving God + His purpose] that you’ve used to draw people to my content. But if I’m honest, sometimes I fear being “stuck” or “boxed” into something that most see as a “talent or skill” instead of having the space to evolve into more (or in addition to). I’m sure that this isn’t a new dilemma, especially for some of the greatest people that you’ve used.

Being on a healing journey (much less walking this thing called life out) is so far from linear and I wish that more people spoke about this. We live in a society that deems achievements + accomplishments as the standard for EVERYTHING—including healing and it’s so detrimental to the actual process. In one particular session, my therapist told me that healing is a “lifelong journey” and I remember thinking—–for real? That’s not how it’s made to seem, especially on public platforms.

We often run towards a finish line to say “we’ve done it”, but have we really? I think that more and more evidences of needing to be continuously healed shows up in our actions/thought processes like wanting to have only “low-maintenance” relationships because we don’t have the time or energy for otherwise, people-pleasing our ways into rooms, shielding our value and “reason for existence” based on our titles, accolades, who we know, large platforms, and the list goes on.

True authenticity seems hard to do in a world that fashions us and places us in races to get to “the top” or just merely survive while trying to reach a climb that we might not be graced for. Waiting on your “Yes” or “blessing”Go Ahead” for our next move seems so far-fetch and out of place because we’re conditioned to think at any given moment that “opportunity” or “open door” can be closed or God forbid someone else slides right into the doorway in front of us–robbing us of our walkthrough [i.e. the main reason for competition in all spaces].

It really goes against ALL of the things that you’ve been showing me lately and what I’ve been reading about in Your word. Granted, I’m still learning and trying to understand it all, but moment by moment, you lead me into such an uncomfortable territory—-one where my version of “control” doesn’t exist.

I’m learning that I really haven’t given you the amount of control that I thought I did or liked to believe. Yes, I’ve acknowledged you in all my doing (mostly after the doing, not before), but there were areas that I met you at the door but didn’t let you in because if I’m honest—–I was afraid that you would disrupt things.

I know. I know. How dare I be so honest about not wanting you to disrupt some things? But in building our relationship, I’ve learned that my honesty is exactly what you want—although you’re “all knowing” [aka omniscient] anyway.

There have been so many mindsets that I’ve carried along with me out of protection and survival that I’ve learned in the past few months aren’t actually good for me. Because of childhood trauma, we often develop “defense mechanisms” that help to aide us from one life moment to the next——deceiving us into thinking that we’re actually thriving because of it. Until, we encounter God’s truth and begin to replace what we’ve known to be true with what’s actually “truth”.

One of my biggest challenges was my ability to love. Like really love. Not that kind of love that everyone throws out there when they feel good or as a response to someone that makes them happy in the moment. Like true love—-the kind that sacrifices time/energy for someone because they need it, especially the [lowly]. The kind of love that understands how/when to overlook our own feelings to think about someone else’s. The kind of love that holds ourselves accountable in our wrong doing towards someone and creates the desire to reconcile. The kind of love that forgives—and not just once but like You said, “seventy times seven” [Matthew 18:22]. The kind of love that can understand someone’s current state and still see them “greater”. The kind of love that covers, honors, and restores someone. That love.

It’s funny because you’ve been testing me in this area quite a bit and it’s been such a learning curve, especially because I haven’t seen it healthily done in my own upbringing. HOWEVER, you’re so good that you’ve not only given me grace, but you’ve walked with me step by step, showing me YOUR ways. Sometimes, we can feel like we’re completely evolving alone or while being misunderstood because everyone’s journey looks different—–but the good news is that You truly never leave us nor forsake us in any season. Truth is, I wasn’t able to fathom the kind of love that I sought until I was able to rest in Your love which teaches me to first love me and then my neighbor as myself [Matthew 22: 37-39].

What a great feeling it has been to begin my rest in You and who You’ve been to me. Yes, I’ve loss some things, some people, most of what I’ve known to be true, and parts of myself that I’ve tried so hard to hold onto—–but oh am I finding the silver lining in ALL things that has been my life journey. Thank you for keeping me even when I didn’t want to be kept.

P.S. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” [Jeremiah 29:11] This has been a constant reminder for me in the most recent years and it is certainly uplifted me in moments that I felt my lowest when things were hard.

End Notes:

Let me know what topics or things you most struggle with daily in terms of your Faith or healing journey in the comments below! I’d love to write an open letter based on our community needs.

You can also email me your story via [email protected] for a chance to have an open letter topic in response!